As I have previously shared in prior posts here and here, my youngest, Aimie (not her real name), wrote me an email where she listed a number of reasons why she wants nothing to do with me. I have addressed some of these allegations in previous posts, and will now address another.
She wrote: “You took out a loan in Angie’s name, using her totaled car’s equity to try to give yourself money, while she was in the HOSPITAL.”
Angie (not her real name) is Aimie’s older sister, my first born. Angie was involved in a car accident many years ago and was slightly injured. Thankfully, her injuries were neither serious nor life-threatening.
I’m not exactly certain what year this accident happened, but I’m thinking it was the time period around 2003 through 2006. I might be slightly off, but this time frame should be close, more or less.
I remember going to the hospital where Angie was taken after the accident, seeing dried blood splattered on her face. Not a lot of blood, but a few spatters here and there but enough, that, even now, causes me to cringe with the memory. There is not much worse feeling for a dad than to see one of his kids in a hospital because of a car accident with their own blood on their face.
This particular time frame was post divorce and also at that time when I was losing all contact, slowly but surely, with my kids. And specifically with Angie at this point, we had not had much contact with one another for quite some time—perhaps years.
In fact, looking back on this particular incident, I’m surprised I was informed that Angie was in a car accident. One of the most perverse aspects in dealing with my ex has been her refusal to keep me informed with what was, and is, happening with our kids—even if they had been involved in such an incident. Even to this day, she refuses to contact me regardless of what happens to our three children. I would not know if one of them died until somehow it trickled down to me from somewhere because she would not inform me. Such is the power of unbridled hatred.
To be clear, she did keep me informed concerning our kids—for the most part—while I was still seeing them, in those few years immediately following our second divorce. But as the insidious process of PAS/PA developed, like a growing cancer between my kids and I, and slowly but surely our contact with one another began to decrease, she would increasingly withhold information about them from me. When it got to the point where I no longer saw them, all contact between my ex and I ceased (outside of the innumerable post divorce court actions we had) and it has been that way for going on 20 years.
But to return to my story, if at this time I still had visitation with my other two children, this would have meant that, if they had known about Angie’s accident, so would I. How could my ex keep such information from me if my other two kids knew and we were spending time together? Kids certainly can’t keep a momentous moment in their sister’s life like this one a secret.
All this to say, at least I was informed, some how, about this accident and went to see Angie in the hospital. This is the incident which Aimie was referring to in her email.
Let’s break down what Aimie accused me of doing. She wrote: “You took out a loan in Angie’s name, using her totaled car’s equity to try to give yourself money, while she was in the HOSPITAL.”
First, how could this have happened, that I took out a loan in Angie’s name, using her totaled car’s equity, while she was in the hospital? This would have been impossible. First, Angie was only in the hospital for this incident, as I recall, less than 24 hours. Her injuries were not life-threatening nor serious enough to require surgery or even stitches to close up whatever wound caused the splattered blood on her face.
In fact, I believe it was dark when I went to the hospital. This means that Angie’s accident occurred either in the late afternoon or early evening. How could I have taken “out a loan in Angie’s name” when the banks would surely have been closed at this time? This entire accusation is absurd, right from the get-go.
And how would I have taken out this alleged “loan” in my daughter’s name? And so quickly while she was in the hospital? Loans don’t happen instantly, requiring documentation and fact checking on the bank’s end, and surely not in the short amount of Angie’s hospital stay. Again, the accusation is absurd, right on its face.
In fact, it would have been impossible for me to do such a thing according to the “facts” presented in Aimie’s email. An accident report had to be filed by the police (and who knows how long this would take), then the insurance company would have to be notified, a claim would have to be filed, the insurance company would open up an investigation, etc. In other words, a fair amount of time would pass before the insurance company completed whatever investigation they would need to make before paying any money out for the accident.
Their findings would then have to be the basis, I would imagine, for any “loan” I would have allegedly submitted to fraudulently obtain this money. All this means time—a significant amount of time—that would have to transpire between when the accident happened and when a loan could be submitted. Surely much more time than what Aimie was saying in her accusation.
Again, the entire allegation is simply absurd and cannot possibly have happened as Aimie seemed to suggest.
Acknowledging the absurdity and impossibility of the allegation on face value, I can add to this by my flat denial that it happened. It never did. It is a myth, a lie, a story which has no basis in fact or reality.
Where, then, did this fabrication come from? Who thought up such an absurdity? And why? For what reason? And finally, why in the world would my own daughter believe such nonsense? What possible set of “facts” could she have been presented with to actually cause her to believe in such a thing?
Was Aimie shown these alleged loan documents with my signature on it? What date was on this document? What bank issued the loan? Who was the loan officer that signed off on it? What were the terms and conditions?
And if such a loan existed along with the loan document to prove it, how did Aimie get it? These are not documents one finds lying around in the streets blown about by the wind; they are private, confidential bank documents not available to the public.
Again, the entire accusation is absurd.
It’s been over a year (today is December 30, 2022) since Aimie made this particular accusation and I still scratch my head over it. It is such an absurd, nonsensical and false allegation that I wonder why Aimie brought it up in the first place. Surely, being the intelligent young woman she is, she cannot believe such nonsense? So why did she accuse me of something so patently false and ridiculous?
I can’t answer this question because I don’t know anything else about the allegation except what she wrote. Evidently, though, Aimie was exposed to this myth through someone, right? It’s possible, I guess, she thought it up on her own, but I don’t think this is the case: I think somebody presented this falsehood to Aimie and she—unbelievably—swallowed it.
Assuming, for the sake of argument, that somebody told Aimie this fabrication, the disturbing question is “Who would do something like this and why?” Aimie would have been around eight or nine years old at the time her older sister’s accident happened, so the next question is, “When was Aimie told this lie?” If Aimie was around nine years old or so, who would lie like this to a child, to deceive them in this way? That person who would lie and deceive an innocent child in this manner is one sick and demented individual, responsible for instilling lies into this child that morphed in destructive hatred toward an innocent father.
And here is something equally twisted: I only learned of this particular lie from the email Aimie sent me in December of 2021. The accident occurred close to 20 years ago, meaning Aimie, if she had been told this lie when she was a young child, has been affected by this malicious deception for much longer than I’ve been. This lie has hurt her far more than it has hurt me. Further, this means the person who told this lie, who no doubt intended the lie to hurt me, has actually harmed Aimie more than their intention to hurt me.
Again, the person who fabricated this deception (again, assuming Aimie is not the instigator of this piece of fiction) is a sick individual, demented on levels unfathomable to the human mind. Remember, we are talking about lying and deceiving a child. What kind of person would stoop so low to do this? To make the crime more egregious, the lie is against the father, unquestionably one of the most important males in the life of a daughter. Attempting to destroy, poison, or weaken the bond between a daughter and father is one of the most criminal and destructive acts which could happen to that daughter. It’s unconscionable.
It’s also possible this portion of her email was written hastily and, wrought with emotion, she failed to compose portions of it accurately or clearly. In other words, it was poorly written and failed to correctly relay the intended information. Perhaps if she re-wrote that portion under discussion, the meaning would be clearer and make more sense than in the manner it reads now.
Because it was not written as clearly as it could have, perhaps my meaning of what she wrote is inaccurate. Maybe I’m taking the phrase “while she was in the HOSPITAL” the wrong way. Could she have meant to imply this? “Remember that car accident Angie was in? After she was released from the hospital, you took out a loan in her name, using her totaled car’s equity to try to give yourself money…”? It’s possible, which is one of the many reasons why clear and unambiguous communication is vital between human beings and why writers (like Aimie in this case) need to insure what they are seeking to convey in their writing comes across clearly to the reader (myself in this case).
But taking into account the possibility it was clumsily composed, this would not matter: it is false in its entirety. Nothing of what she accuses me happened. Zero. Nada. It is 100% false. I never in my life took out any loan in any of my daughter’s names for any reason whatsoever. Nor did I ever co-sign a loan for them—or for that matter—anybody else.
This is a perfect example of why all of us need critical thinking skills and why I have spent so much time in this blog pointing out this fact. I’m also disappointed in Aimie that she actually believes this fairy tale and did not use her highly intelligent mind to immediately cut through the obvious nonsensical nature of this fabrication and quickly discard it for the lie it obviously is.
And it’s disheartening to think my own daughter would have such a low opinion of me as her father to believe I would stoop so low as to even consider doing something so odious like this. Unfortunately, this is part and parcel of the brainwashing which occurs to countless children who have been unfortunately exposed to the twin pathologies of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) and Parental Alienation (PA).
Aimie is accusing me of the crime of “identity theft”: “You took out a loan in Angie’s name…” In Arizona, this is considered, I believe, a class 5 felony, a serious charge that sends people to prison if they are found guilty. And this is not the first time this particular daughter has falsely accused me of a serious crime. In fact, this is one of at least three serious felonious crimes she has accused me of, each of them equally as false as this one.
In falsely accusing me of serious crimes, she fails to provide her own father with the presumption of innocence guaranteed to citizens of the United States: innocent until proven guilty.
I like what Wikipedia has to say about this sacred right:
“The presumption of innocence is a legal principle that every person accused of any crime is considered innocent until proven guilty. Under the presumption of innocence, the legal burden of proof is thus on the prosecution, which must present compelling evidence to the trier of fact (a judge or a jury). If the prosecution does not prove the charges true, then the person is acquitted of the charges. The prosecution must in most cases prove that the accused is guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. If reasonable doubt remains, the accused must be acquitted…”
As mentioned above, Aimie has falsely accused me of at least two other felonious crimes for a total of at least three. Three felonies. One would think, if I had committed even one of these alleged crimes, I would have spent years in the big house and would probably still be there, moldering away. But I’m free as a bird. Criminals get away with crimes all the time, as everybody knows, but what’s the possibility of someone getting away with three separate felonies and never being sentenced to prison for any of them? Probably not a high possibility at all, especially with my luck.
In fact, the most serious of Aimie’s false allegations resulted in my arrest where I spent about a half day in jail. I was looking at spending the rest of my life behind bars because of the serious nature of that horrific untruth. Fortunately, that charge was quickly dropped for lack of evidence.
As the years pass into almost two decades of not having little of any contact with my kids, it often boggles my mind how easily deceived each have been concerning these outrageous “crimes” I have allegedly committed.
I suspect, of course, their mother is the instigator of each of these false and serious accusations. Leveling false allegations against me is an unseemly habit of her character. But why have they never asked her, “Mom, you paint our dad out to be a real scumbag and criminal, but if he is so bad, why is he not in prison? Why has he never had a jury trial on any of these alleged crimes? Where’s your proof and facts?”
Worse, they’ve never bothered to call, text, or email me and ask, “Dad, what do you have to say for yourself concerning these alleged felonies? We’ve heard mom’s side, now we want to hear your side of the story.” Never. Not once, for any of these accusations. How fair is that? (And knowing my ex, that woman would move heaven and earth and spend any amount of her
new husband’s money to see me wearing stripes.)
This leads me to some disheartening conclusions about my kids: they know these accusations are a bunch of nonsense. Maybe one, two, or all three of them have thought up part—or all—of these fabrications on their own. I don’t know. Maybe the reason why I don’t hear from them is because they feel a certain amount of guilt over falsely accusing their innocent father of serious felonies and other “crimes and misdemeanors.”
Again, this goes back to those all important “critical thinking” skills so many people fail to utilize in determining the truth or falsity of issues—especially those criminal in nature. To my great regret, it pains me to realize, over and over again, the total failure my children have in this necessary area of their thinking skills.
In truth, part of that failure falls at my own feet; I failed to introduce them to these necessary skills when they were growing up. In fact, I did not fully realize the importance of these critical thinking skills until years later, after my ex-wife divorced me for the second time and I was driven to seek understanding of why my kids no longer wanted to see me. Interestingly, it was partly through my almost two decades long study of PAS and PA that proved to me the necessity of such thinking skills and why they are so important.
Facts vs. Opinions
Opinions are things that someone believes to be true. Facts, on the other hand, are things that are true. Aimie evidently believes (unless she is making the whole thing up) that I fraudulently and criminally took out a loan for myself in her sisters name; the facts are that I never did such a thing.
But where is her proof of this allegation? Where is the evidence to support her belief? What set of facts has Aimie produced to verify and confirm her belief I committed this crime?
As mentioned above, the burden of proof is on Aimie to show that I committed this alleged crime; I don’t have to do anything to prove my innocence because, in this country, our justice system provides the accused the presumption of innocence until proven guilty in a court of law.
Aimie has only opinions and no facts to back up her serious allegations. Does she recognize this? Or understand her opinions are not grounded in any factual basis whatsoever? In other words, if Aimie is not the originator of these serious false allegations, she is believing lies told to her about me.
But again, she is an intelligent young woman; why would she allow herself to be duped by such obvious and unproven allegations?
Another observation: in a state criminal case where a defendant faces jail time, the burden of proof to convict that defendant rests solely on the shoulders of the state; they must prove the defendant is “guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.” In fact, and it often happens in serious criminal cases where the accused faces the death penalty or a lifetime in prison, the defendant never says a word—literally—in his defense. He has the “right to remain silent” and not speak in his defense. The burden is on the prosecution to show sufficient evidence and facts of the case to convince the jury he is “guilty beyond a reasonable doubt,” oftentimes a high bar to hurdle over.
So I ask myself, “Why does Aimie not provide her own father with the same right, the same privilege given to other accused people facing serious charges?” In other words, why has she not performed her own required due diligence in order to confirm or deny these many allegations against me? Why has she not gathered or sought out the required proof of these crimes instead of being swayed by hearsay, something usually never allowed in a court of law? She hasn’t, instead acting as the judge, jury and executioner toward her own father and finding me guilty without the dignity of allowing my to defend myself by merely picking up the phone and asking me my side of the story. It’s truly unbelievable and tragic.
I also wonder, does it bother Aimie that she has lied about me for almost two decades now? To me, this is beyond comprehension that my own daughter, my own flesh and blood, has persisted in these lies and false narratives. Again, I’m not necessarily angry at her or with my other daughters, for they are all victims of brainwashing.
But Aimie, as well as my other daughters, must understand something: to accuse me of crimes of which I am not guilty of and they can produce no proof for is a crime in itself. At the very least such false accusations are malicious slander. Spreading falsehoods against someone when the person spreading them without proof and knowing they have no proof could be a crime in its own right: libel or slander.
But I’ve noticed something: people who reduce themselves to such unseemly conduct often fail to recognize what they are doing is wrong in itself; they lack self-awareness. What is worse is to falsely accuse one’s own father of crimes and at the same moment not understand such false accusations are crimes in themselves. Again, shocking and unbelievable behavior that transcends understanding.
Such is the power and brainwashing behind the twin pathologies of PAS/PA. It turns normal thinking individuals into beings who toss critical thinking out the door and replace it with unhinged emotions and false accusations based on zero evidence and facts. And again, as I’ve often repeated, it is that more diabolical when such false accusations are made against one’s own innocent father that accuses him of conduct he would never reduce himself to or even think about doing.
Each of us are on our own journeys to better understand ourselves and those around us. At 62 years of age, I have regrets like everybody else entering the twilight years of their lives. All of us make mistakes; many of those mistakes have lifelong consequences. If I had the chance to turn the clock back on my life and redo things, knowing what I now know, rest assured I would make many different choices (like not getting married to my ex).
I believe, one day, my children will “wake up” and discover the truth of PAS and PA and how they have been unduly influenced and hoodwinked by their mother. All three of them are intelligent. I also believe I will be long dead by the time they all realize what harm has have been done to them through the lies and brainwashing of their mother.
I have accepted this reality that we will probably never reunite on this earth. Each day I grow stronger in my own personal journey to acceptance of this family tragedy. I bear no ill will towards my daughters for their unfair and unjust treatment of me because I know and understand the brainwashing, lies and hate that has been poured into them for the last twenty years.
It would be untrue, though, not to admit the deep and abiding grief that has come from their unfair rejection of me as their father, but again, I understand. It is not completely their faults; brainwashing often requires years and decades to come out from underneath its insidious influences. I know this all too well because I was religiously brainwashed for almost my entire life and just recently have “woken up” to the reality of that brainwashed state.
Truth, fortunately, is an eternal and stubborn thing, often waiting silently and patiently in the background of our lives until we are ready to answer her calls. And that journey continues, I’m certain, even after we leave this life and continue on to what awaits us when we enter the life beyond.
Thankfully, my healing continues, along with the acceptance I’ll never have a relationship with my kids. One of the “must do’s” targeted parents like myself need to implement in their lives to survive the horror of losing your kids is to simply accept the reality of the way things are. It’s certainly not what any of us would ever want or choose, but who said life is fair? A man has to move on with his life and accept the cards he has been dealt.
And in the greater picture toward healing, part of the reason for this “Divorce and PAS” section of my blog is the hope, through my writing, I might help other alienated parents like myself.
I’ve been through my fair share of tragedies in this pilgrimage on earth, and I thank God He gave me a fairly tough constitution. Some alienated mom and dad’s don’t make it without committing suicide because of not being able to deal with the indescribable grief and loss of losing the most important thing in their lives: the love of their children.
It’s taken me almost two decades to process my own grief and loss, and though I still have a challenging journey ahead of me, I’m feeling stronger every day and, as I mentioned above, I’m accepting my lot and moving into greener and healthier pastures.
I’ve always had a compassionate heart for others and spent most of my life trying to help hurting people find their way through. Though I no longer follow the faith I grew up with and spent all of my life involved in, I find this passage from the Bible to be particularly relevant:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God…” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)
Indeed, there is a reason for our sufferings.