“For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel…” (Malachi 2:16[a])
At one time I had an idea to start a website with this same title, “Divorce Destroys.” Why? I’ve experienced firsthand the destruction that divorce does to a family, especially if children are involved.
Countless books and articles have been written about the horrors of divorce, and yes, even some that tell how wonderful divorce is in certain situations. But I believe, in general, most of us will agree that divorce is a nasty, brutal business that should never be entered into lightly.
The ones who suffer the greatest are the children who are unwittingly thrown into the maelstrom of bitterness, hate and revenge that are often a part of the divorce process. I never believed children would become a war pawn of one of the divorcing parents until I saw this grotesque reality being played out before my own eyes. Children are indeed used as human shields in the battle that often rages between two divorcing parents.
Children can be brainwashed to despise a parent they once loved and cherished, poisoned by the other parent for a variety of reasons. This does not seem possible, but it is a disturbing reality.
If you are a child of divorce, and you hate one of your parents, you might be a victim of what is known as Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Here is a recent article from the Huffington Post that will help explain this disturbing phenomena.
In general, children naturally love both their parents. Certainly many children go through stages—particularly in their teenage years—when they go through a short time period where they might feel they hate their parents. I’m not going to say that this is a normal phase for every teenager, but experience teaches that such a time is not unusual and rarely lasts for a significant amount of time.
There is a quote from an expert in PAS that I have not been able to locate that has made an important impact on my understanding of this harmful form of child abuse: in a divorce, if a child who at one time loved a parent and who now, for some reason despises one or the other, you can be assured he or she is the product of PAS.
PAS is a subtle but real form of child abuse. If you are a child from a divorced family, and the divorce was a particularly ugly and bitter one, this is one of the seedbeds for this kind of crime to take root and thrive in. And make no mistake about it: PAS is a crime, for there is nothing more natural than for a child to love both their father and mother. That love can only be extinguished and replaced with bitterness and hate if one parent, called the alienator, has systematically brainwashed the child against the other parent.
This post is only a brief introduction to this growing problem in America. My hope is that my words can cause awareness of this problem in some child who might be hating one of their parents and never understanding why they harbor such intense negative feelings against them.
Please, do some research on this subject. The internet is brimming with information on this issue. That parent you grew to despise is deeply hurting and terribly wounded over the breakdown in your once loving relationship and wants nothing more than to reconcile and show you how much they love you.
But that reconciliation can never happen until you first realize you have been turned against your mom and dad by someone—the other parent—that you thought had your best interests at heart. You were manipulated, even brainwashed, and you must understand that it happened over a long period of time. It is not normal to hold such intense feelings of malice toward a parent that you once dearly loved.
I urge you to get some help. Please.