“Children do not naturally lose interest in and become distant from their nonresidential parent simply by virtue of the absence of that parent. Also, healthy and established parental relationships do not erode naturally of their own accord. They must be attacked. Therefore, any dramatic change in this area is virtually always an indicator of an alienation process that has had some success in the past.”
I would like for my readers to read this above paragraph several times. Allow what it says to settle down into your soul and take root: it may change your life if you fall into the unfortunate category of hating one of your parents.
Let’s focus on this sentence: “Therefore, any dramatic change in this area is virtually always an indicator of an alienation process that has had some success in the past.”
If you can look back on a time with this now hated parent and recall fond, warm and close memories with him, and now, post-divorce, you despise your dad, you can count on the fact that somewhere during these two times of “love then hate” that your relationship with him has been attacked and your emotions and memories have been manipulated.
“…[H]ealthy and established parental relationships do not erode naturally of their own accord. They must be attacked. Therefore, any dramatic change in this area is virtually always an indicator of an alienation process that has had some success in the past.”______________________________________________________
The sentence says, “…any dramatic change in this area is virtually always an indicator…” Virtually always an indicator. In other words, almost 100% of the time.
This is nothing short of profound. A child who once loved their dad and now hates him has been the victim of a coordinated attack that was purposely designed to pit and alienate that child against his or her father. And in most cases, the perpetrator of this crime against the innocent child—and innocent father—is the mother.
This is the point I wish to focus on because, I believe, it is the key that opens the door for that child to begin to put the pieces together of why this irrational and unexplained emotion of hatred has come over them: you have been victimized—psychologically abused—by the one person you believed loved you more than anything else in the world: your mother.
Understandably, the acceptance of such a theory is—initially—beyond the scope of possibility by the child. To him or her, it is impossible to believe, beyond the realm of reality. To think that the very person you thought and trusted is the exact individual who has planted the destructive seeds of hate and bitterness into your soul and poisoned your relationship with your father is a step into the realm of disbelief and impossibilities.
This quote is attributed to Aristotle: “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” I am not asking you to automatically accept what I am saying as truth; I’m only asking that you consider the possibility of the truth it might represent. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” as another old saying goes, and your journey to healing and understanding is to consider the possibility that you have been manipulated and brainwashed by someone whom you thought loved you more than anything else in the world.